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Kleerup - Until We Bleed

I'm naked
I'm numb
I'm stupid
I'm staying
And if Cupid's got a gun, then he's shootin'

Lights black; heads bang
You're my drug
We live it
You're drunk, you need it
Real love, I'll give it
So we're bound to linger on
We drink the fatal drop
Then love until we bleed
Then fall apart in parts

You wasted your times
On my heart
You've burned
And if bridges gotta fall, then you'll fall, too

Doors slam
Lights black
You're gone
Come back
Stay gone
Stay clean
I need you to need me
So we're bound to linger on
We drink the fatal drop
Then love until we bleed
Then fall apart in parts

Now we're bound to linger on
We drink the fatal drop
Then love until we bleed
Then fall apart in parts
I was so sure that I had a good idea. I thought I was being smart. I thought I was doing what you wanted. But now, you've gone and confused me, and it's always right before you're about to pass out.


(4:45:12 AM): and i want you to know you are wrong
(4:45:21 AM): but you are right
 (4:45:25 AM): for i am broken
CalloftheMonster (4:45:47 AM): what am I wrong about?
 (4:45:55 AM): i wouldn't do aynthing for you
(4:46:23 AM): taking all i know about anihilism and trying to build it into a life
CalloftheMonster (4:47:15 AM): I know you wouldn't
CalloftheMonster (4:47:16 AM): but
CalloftheMonster (4:47:21 AM): I'm not expecting anyone to
(4:47:31 AM): but i came to see you
(4:47:35 AM): put songs on for you
(4:47:38 AM): brought you places
(4:47:41 AM): brought you weed
CalloftheMonster (4:49:48 AM): you're right


You tell me how you have zero feelings for me, how you don't care if I was to do something with someone else, but then you say things like this.

The fact that you actually bother to remember all the things you do with/for me really makes me wonder about you. Did it secretly upset you that I wasn't going to wait for you any more? Or was it that I said that Matt would be good for me? I just don't know about you, I wish you were more into communication.

Say things happened to work out between Matt and I, truth is, I would still have feelings for you. If I was dating him, and you said to me you wanted to be with me, I'd be yours.

Matt is such a sweet and good person, I feel like who ever he is with he would be good to them, treat them right. He's like marriage material really.

You. You are this beautiful, free spirit. You also would be sweet and good to whomever held your heart, but it would be different. Not different in  a bad way, not in the least. You two just think and act differently. You are an imaginative and creative being with a wise and weathered soul. You're the person I wish I was, the one I truly believe in.


Some day, I'd like to hold your hand.

Stop confusing me!!!! I thought I had this.
Another reason I think it's wise to step back from you is that you bring out the crazy in me. It's definitely not intentional in the least and I know that for a fact. But it's just not healthy. I don't know what it is about you that makes me act like that, but it's bad news.
So I've been thinking, and I think what I've been thinking makes a lot of sense.


I know that I said I'd wait for you forever, but I think that was a bad decision and here's why: you don't care, you don't want to be happy, you have no interest in me, we're both still young.

I was talking to Matt last night, I couldn't believe he messaged me to be honest. I'm pretty sure it's because I was probably the only person online. Anyway. I don't know if I'll have a chance with him, and I know he's too good for me but that kid is an absolute sweetheart. If the opportunity came about for me to be with him, I would take it. That is something too good to turn down. Matt really is a good person. Hopefully I'll get to see him soon, he got a pair of shoes and it turns out they're too small so if they fit me, I get to keep them. He already has an in to my heart, shoes. Hahaha. If they fit and he gives them to me, I'll make him something. Not sure what though. Maybe a hoodie? I just know that he is a cutie pie deluxe.
Sometime i think there will be no saving you.



In other news, Matt is fucking ADORABLE. Cutie pie for life.
Went to the beach today, the water was pretty nice until about 7 or so. Briana got a fire pit, Susie, Robin and I all chipped in a got a big pack of hot dogs. More stuff happened, but I'm pretty tuckered out. Better update tomorrow.

Aug. 3rd, 2009

I do wish you thought I was pretty though.

Aug. 3rd, 2009

Essentially, I love that you can make me do anything you want at any time. I love being under your thumb.

I said I wouldn't but you said the words and I did it.

It feels good to please you.
So this morning was pretty fab. The whole sleeping in the same bed but like hardly touching was pretty lame though. Spooning doesn't have to mean anything, it's just so darn comfy and relaxing.

You still are the cutest of cutie pies and the most adorable boy in the whole wide world. You and your rain forest. Watch out for the jaguars you silly goose.



I only say boy because it's cutesy and you're so darn cute. I know you're 22 and a man, a very passionate and endowed man ;)




License test tomorrow! I can't believe I waited until I was 21 lol. Well, there was no push I never would have had a car because I never had enough money soooooo oh well. I'm lame. I'll deal.